15 Jun 2012

FIRST MASTURBATION

Last month was the tenth anniversary of the first time I masturbated.
I am 24 now, so first time I masturbated when I was choudah. Yes, I
know, that was very late for any guys. I guess I am a late bloomer. I
guess I was very innocent. Or I might have just been ignorant. I am
the only child in a typical Malaysian Chinese family, so masturbation
isn't really a topic that will pop up during dinner, or during any
other time at all, EVER.

Sure, I might have been curious about all those little 'gut' feelings
that I have been having ever since puberty. I have been touching
myself more frequently than necessary, but had no idea what it meant.
I would grind my little dick into the matress at night because it just
felt so good. Then in school, we learnt about nocturnal emission (wet
dream is the laymen term). That answered a question I have been having
since I turned 11. Why did I keep pissing myself at night? And it
didn't smell like piss! And all those crusted stuff on the underwear!

We didn't have sex education in school, so this little information was
covered by our physical education teacher, and when he asked who had
experienced it, I was the only one to raise my hand. The entire class
looked at me. Some guys even came and asked me about it after the class.

They have never experienced it before in their life? How come? The
only answer they gave me was: if you do it enough, it won't happen.
And I went: Do what enough? Nobody gave me an answer. Yea, I was
innoncent. Being in an all boys' school didn't help either. I guess I
didn't have that many friends to share about these intimate details.
In fact, I didn't really have any really close friends at all, those
that you can call buddies. However, one day, a classmate sitting
beside me in science class suddenly asked me if I masturbate. Of
course I said yes! I didn't even know what that word means. He only
hinted that it has something to do with playing with my dick. Oh yes,
I do that a lot. I asked him in return: what do you use to play? He
looked at me strangely and said: with my hands. I told him I use a
towel, and that he should try it out sometimes. It's kinda cool.

I suppose by then he should already have figured out that I have
absolutely no idea what masturbation was all about. Evidently so,
cause a few days later he came and ask me again if anything happens
after I play for a long time. I told him no, just some pretty good
feeling rubbing my dick on the towel. He suggested that I use my hand
and note that feeling on my navel after some time. I was still
confused and asked him what can the hand do? I think he almost died
laughing. Just get it hard and stroke it, he said. You'll see what I mean.

I can still remember it clearly, almost like it happened yesterday. I
was in the shower, my parents in the living room, waiting for me to
finish and then go to my Grandma's house for a family gathering. It
was the Mooncake Festival. I was showering at usual, but got an
erection while I was soaping up my body. I remembered what my friend
said so I clasped my hands around my dick and began to stroke it a
little. Damn that feeling felt good! I continue doing so for a while,
all the while being careful not to make too much sound just in case my
parent heard me outside. It was a very small house and the bathroom is
really close to the living room.

After stroking for a while, I felt a very strong feeling growing from
deep within my balls, going up to my navel, almost like I needed to
piss, only a hundred times stronger. I freaked! I stopped stroking,
tried to calm myself down, realizing that my heart was beating faster
than normal. Well, actually it was faster than when I finished my 100
meter sprint during sports practice earlier that morning. It was a new
sensation, and it was freaking me out. What is happening? But then my
friend's words of wisdom came back to me. Just keep doing it and
you'll feel something after some time. You'll see what I mean.

So I braced myself, and started stroking again. I was freaked out, but
my dick wasn't. The erection didn't go away. It was only too happy
when I resumed my stroking. It didn't take long this time for the
feeling to return. Deep within my balls, I could feel something travel
up inside me, through my navel, and into my dick, which got really
hard by the way, and I could feel it travelling along it. I was
determined to keep doing it this time, cause if it was piss, I was in
the shower so there should be no problem. The feeling grew stronger
and then it came.

I looked down at the exact moment when the first spurt of semen
ejaculated from my dick, shooting out onto the cold tiled floor. My
dick spasm, my body went rigid, and my breathing was short and
shallow, and it didn't stop! Another spurt of cum pumped out, followed
by another, and another. I had no idea how long it lasted, but it just
kept going and going. Years of pent-up cum shot out in one long
glorious climax. When I was done, I was amazed, shocked, happy,
guilty, frightened, and damn comfortable!

I was sweating and heaving, and after I calmed down, I leaned in to
examine those fluid that just came out of my dick. They were yellow
and they looked much thicker and stickier than piss. I think I knew
what masturbation mean then. I think I knew what sex mean then. I
think I discovered a little bit more about myself that day. I finished
my shower and the rest of the night was spent with a thousand
questions going through my head.

I did talk to that friend of mine the next day, but the conversation
didn't really go very far. I always wondered why he chose to 'impart'
that wisdom to me, and then didn't want to talk about it. I guess a
straight guy wouldn't feel very comfortable talking about it,
especially if you are raised by a culture that considers sex as a
taboo and dirty subject. Well, I knew I was gay way before I knew what
masturbation meant. Heck, I knew about AIDS and how it is transmitted
before I even heard of the word masturbation. Call me naive, call me
ignorant, but that was how it happened.

It was only years later that I came to find out that cum was supposed
to be white, or milky in colour, and the yellow colour is actually a
stain caused by the mixture of urine. Of course, I have been
masturbating a lot after that, so much that I got headache from it,
just because I cummed so hard and so much in a day my brain was having
trouble keeping count. So when people say that masturbation is a
process of self-discovery, I agree with them, cause I know it first
hand, personally, to be true.

That first time sparked my curiosity in sex, so for the whole of next
year, I spent all my free time learning about everything there is to
know about sex. I did it the correct way though. Everyday after
school, I would go to book stores and read all the books related to
sex. They have some pretty good guides there. And please note that ten
years ago, the word Internet hasn't even been invented in my country
yet. By the end of the year, I have practically read all the
sex-related books ever published in my country, and I can safely say
that I knew more about sex than my parents do, albeit only the theory.

Now, ten years later, I am still jacking off. That sound weird to you?
I suppose so, because regardless of whether I am gay or straight, I am
still a virgin. Never had any experiences with a man or a woman
before, never touched another person in their private places before,
and never did any sorts of hanky-panky before. Sure, I know all about
the theories of blowjobs, doggy-styles, anal sex, even more on kinky
stuff like ropeworks, flogging, and dog training, but all in theory.
Still a virgin at 24, and turning 25 in a couple of months. What can I
say? I am an innoncent guy.

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