50

एक बार संता ट्रेन से यात्रा कर रहा था.. जल्दी में टिकट नहीं ले पाया.. ट्रेन आ गई थी....उसे पता नही क्या सूझा कि उसने प्लेटफार्म पर पडा एक पुराना टिकट उठालिया...टिकट को पानी में डुबोकर जेब में आराम से रख लिया...
.
ट्रेन चल पड़ी..आधे घन्टे बाद टी टी के आने की हलचल सुनाई पड़ी तो उसने टिकट निकालकर हाथ में ले
लिया...
.
.
फिर उसने क्या किया कि जेब से 2 पेन निकाल कर
दोनों हाथों में एक एक पेन लेकर टिकट को पेन से पकडा (हाथो से दूर रखा)... .
.
टी टी आया...टिकट की डिमांड किया...सबने अपना अपना टिकट दिखाया...
.
फिर संता से माँगा ..
संता ने वैसे ही पेन से पकडकर टी टी को दूर से ही टिकट दिखाने लगा
.
टी टी को बडा अजीब लगा...
टी टी गुस्से से: ये क्या बेहूदा हरकत है, हाथ से
क्यों नही दिखाते ?
.
. .
संता : कैसे छुए इसे...पेशाब में गिर गया था...
टी टी: दूर रखो इसे...न जाने कहाँ कहाँ से आ जाते हैं

49

Garib WIFE- Sunoji "WISPER" Lana Hai

Garib Husband- Khane ke Liye To Roti Nahi Hai aur Ch*T ke Liye "DOUBLEROTI"

48

4 stages of a girl & boy relation:
1.Hand in Hand.
2.That in Hand.
3.Hand in That.
4.That in That
Those who understood frwrd it.
Others go & watch pogo tv!

47

A Hypnotist hypnotised the whole audience in the hall with a pendulum

Suddenly,the pendulum fell down

He said "FUCK!"

It took days to clear the crowd =D

46

English to hindi dictionary:

1. xcuse me=sun chutiye
2. stupid= abe gandu
3. get out= Nikal bhosdike
4. I m in problem = Yaar Loude lag gaye
5. I am scared=gaand phati hui hai yaar
6. Where r u=Abbey Kahan maa chuda raha hai
7. Would u like to have this=lega laudu?
8. Not possible!!!=chal bhosdike!!
9. He is a very bad person=Bada madarchod hai!
10. Full stop=bhenchod

45

Sex k dauran amir Girl apne Garib premi se: Tumhra itna bada kaise? 

Premi emotional hote hue: Garibi k karan bachpan me mere pas aur koi khilona nhi tha...=)) .

44

Judge -tumhari aakhri khwaish.
Mujrim-aap ki beti se shaadi, blackbery bold , apple i phone, 100 crore rs.
US ka visa, 2 saal ka honeymoon, 6-7 bacche jo aapko nana nana or mujhe papa papa kahe, or main unki shaadi krwa dun, uske baad aap jo bhi faisla doge mujhe manzoor hoga...
Judge - zor se haste hue (jumps on table) muuh me le mera, meri koi beti hi nahi hai, taang do madarchod ko

43

Men will be Men:

Nipple Mila. Chusna Shuru,
DEWAAR Mili. Mutna Shuru,
Zuban Fisli.. Maa-Behan Shuru,
Gaand Mili. Ungli shuru,
Fokat Ki Mili. Pina Shuru...
Lund haath aaya. Hilana shuru..
Char dost mile. Gandmasti shuru.. Ladki mili.Chudai ki planning shuru... Aisa msg mila.Fwrd karna shuru.. :

42

Kamasutra says:

"If you suck one nipple, the woman herself offers the other one."
And that was the origin of "Buy one get one free"!

41

Waqt kehta hai mujhe gawa mat,

Dil kehta hai mujhe laga mat,

Pyar kehta hai mujhe aazma mat,

Aur aaj-kal ki girlfriend kehti hai,

Daal Chutiye ghabra mat.

40

Question : You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it ?

...
Scroll down
,

,

,

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER........­using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette

another deadly answer. Scroll down a little

...

...

...

Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down...

...

...

...

Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)

"TIP TIP barsa Pani.

Pani ne aag lagayee."

us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee"...

...

...

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down

Start praising one cigarette, The other will get jealous & "jalney lagega"

Searching for me ?....I am also searching for the person who sent it to me!!! =)) :)

39

3 IDIOTS- DIRTY EDITION
Teacher:
“What Is A Condom?”
Aamir Khan Muskurane Lag Jata Hain.
Teacher: “Aap Itna Muskura Kyu Rahe Ho?”
Aamir: “Sir!, Wo Kya Hai, Bachpan Se Iccha Thi Ki Main Sex Education College Mein Padhu! Aaj Yaha Padh Raha Hu, Bahut Maza Aa Raha Hai”
Teacher: “Zyada Maza Lene Ki Zarurat Nahi Hai, Condom Ki Definition Bolo?”
Aamir: “Sir! Condom Is Anything Which Reduces Population”
Teacher: “Will U Plz Elaborate?”
Aamir: “Har Wo Cheez Jo Population Control Kare!”
“Baccha Paida Nahi Karna Hai, Condom Hai Na”
“Masti! Chahiye Raat Se Lekar Subah Tak, Condom Hai Sir”
“Actualy Sir! Hum Condom Se Ghire Hue Hai”
“8th Class Ke Ladke Se Lekar Mujh Tak Sab Condom Ka Use Kar Rahe Hai”
“1 Second Mein In, 1 Second Mein Out,
In-Out,
In-Out”
Teacher: “Arre… Defination Kya Hai?”
Aamir: “Wo Hi To Bata Raha Hu Sir”
Teacher: “Exam Mein Ye Sab Likhoge?”
“Ye Condom Hai! Masti! Raat Se Lekar Subah Tak! Idiot”
“Anybody Else??”
Chattur: “Sir! , Condom Are Between Any Combination Of Body So Connected, That Their Relative Positions May Be Seen In Kamasutra..”
Teacher: “Wah! Kya Baat Hai.....:p;)
(Teacher kicked amir khan out of the class)
Amir khan returns back to class...
Teacher:ab kya hua
Amir khan: sir kuch bhool gya hu
Teacher: kya
Amir khan: sir,6 inch long,coated with extra protection,comes in out in out,throw liquid wen directed,cud b covered with cap,spreads wen rubbed....
Teacher : wat d fuck u want
Amir khan: pen sir....pen...

38

husband: jaan aaj maine sapne me b tumhe dekha.

wife: kya dekha tumne sweet heart?

husband: tum bed pe leti ho aur main rum me aa rha hu
fir dheere se tumhare pass baitha hu
fir dhere se tumhare hoto pr hath laga rha hu
fir dheere se tumhare boobs daba rha hu.
fir tumhari panty khol dee maine
aur fir bs tum samjh jao..

wife (sharmate hue): main samjh gyi..

husband (excitemen me): really?

wife: hmmm fir tumne meri panty kholi aur hath lagate hi tumhara jhadh gya...
madarchod sapne me to chod leta.... ab sapne me b tujhe SHEEGRA PATAN hone laga

37

Rajnikant ne Vidya Balan Ko cycle pe aage bithaya. 

Vidya-Rajni mujhe dekh Ke Apka khada nhi hota?

Rajnknt-Pagli Ye Ladies cycle Hai.Pata Hai tu kis Pe baiti hai???:p

36

Just like FUCK, we Indians also have a Universally Versatile word

- BHENCHOD As a NOUN
- Wo to bhenchod hai As a VERB
- Zyada bhenchody mat kar As an ADJECTIVE
- Kya Bhenchod hai

Now 7 different emotions:

ANGER- Bhag bhenchod

FRUSTRATION- Sab saale chutiye hai bhenchod

ACCEPTANCE- Sahi hai bhenchod

REJECTION- Gaand marao bhenchodo

FEAR- Bhenchod.. ab kya hoga?

SORROW- Bhenchod maa bhen ek ho gayi uski..

SHOCK- Bhen...chodd!

35

Pregnancy poem:

Ab Q lagi rone,

Jb bachcha laga hone,

Tab Q nhi royi thi,

Jb chipak k soyi thi,

Ab jo kiya h wo bharo,

Tab toh kehti thi aur kro aur kro.:)

34

Pati-Patni Train Mein Upar Ki Seat Pe Beithe Kahi Ghumne Ja Rahe The.
Pati Ko Tharak Chadi To Patni Se Bola.

Jab Main Coke Bolu – To Tum Kapde Utar Dena,

Aur Jab Pepsi Bolu – Tange Khol Lena,

Agar Main Thumps-Up Bolu – Tab Main Andar Daluga,

Neeche Beithe Ek Aadmi Ne Ye Suna Aur Gusse Se Bola

Aadmi: “Thumps-Up Tak To Theek Hai, Agar Limca Mere Upar Girayi To Tum Dono Ki Maan, Chod Dunga.....!!

33

1 Admi Public Toilet Mein Betha Tha K
Achanak Sath Wale Toilet Se Awaz Aai:
Kya Haal Hai?
.
Admi Ghabra Kr:
Theek Hon, .
Phr Awaz Aai:
Kya Kr Rahe Ho?
.
Admi:
Bhai Jo Sab Yahan Karte Hain, .
Phir Awaz Aai:
Main Aa Jaun?
.
Admi Pareshan Ho Gya 0r Jaldi Se Bola:
. Nahi Nahi Main Busy Hon.
.
Phir Awaz Aai:
.
.
. .
.
Acha Yaar Main Tumhen Baad Mein Call
Karta Hon.
Abhi Koi Ullu Ka Patha Sath Wale Toilet
Se Meri Hr Baat Ka Jawab DeRaha Hai.:D :D :D

32

Girl to Swami- Mujhe Bhavishya dekhna sikhao?
Swami- Kapde utaro aur Ghodi ban jao.
Girl- Tum muze chodne wale ho?
Swami- Dekha, Dikhne laga na bhavishya....=D

31

Jaat(Hotel call karta h)=Dandi wali kulfi hai?
Manager=ha
Jaat:G**d me le le
1 min bad
Jaat =Dandi wali kulfi hai?
Manager=Nahi
Jat=kyun g**d mein le li?
Managr calls haryana police & tells about jaat.
Police=kina time ho gya
Manager:sir 15-20 min ho gaye.
police=kulfi to pighal gyi hogi, dandi nikal le. =))

30

** Ladke ameer ho jayein to bigad sakte hain,Ladkiyan Bigad jayein to ameer ho sakti hain!!!

**Ladkiyon ki haan me haan to hota hi hai aur naa me bhi haan hota hai, aur ladke to kabhi naa karte hi nahi :D

** Ladkiyon ki problem ladko ki bhi problem hoti hai lekin ladko ki problem me hi ladkiyon ka solution hota hai!!

** Beauty of a ladka lies inside the eyes of ladki but Beauty of a ladki lies on herself only!!

** Achchhi ladki KHUSHI degi,Buri ladki KHUSHI KHUSHI degi!!

29

Ek train me 3 ladkiyan safar kar rahi thi
Next station se 3 ladke samne ki seet par aakar baithe

Thodi der baad un logo ne aapas me baatcheet chalu ki

Ladko ne ladkiyo se kaha pahle hum aapas me apna parichay de de

Beech me baithi ladki jo jyada hoshiyar thi usne ladkiyo ka parichay kuch is tarah diya
"main to main hu, right wali meri bahen hai aur left wali meri maa"

Ladke samaj gaye ki beech wali unka majaak uda rahi hai

Ladke bhi kam na the

Beech wala ladke ne ladko ka parichay kuch is tarah diya
"main to main hu, right wala bhenchod hain aur left wala maderchod=)) true friendship:)

28

Ek PAKISTANI USA se apni AMMI ko phone karta hai.

KHAN: AMMI Jaan! muje AIDS ho gaya hai.

AMMI: Tu wapas mat aana BETA.

KHAN: kyo AMMI

AMMI: agar tu aaya to Teri BIWI ko AIDs hoga,

Teri BIWI se tere BHAI ko

Tere BHAI se NOKRANI ko,

NOKRANI se tere ABBA ko,
Tere ABBA se teri MAUSI ko,
Teri MAUSI se tere MOUSA ko,
Tere MOUSA se Muje,
Muj se hamare DRIVER ko,
Driver se teri Behen ko

Aur Agar teri bahen ko ho gaya to saare GAON ko ho jayega!

Tuje mera vasta
Saare GAON ko bachale BETA.. mat aana.. 

27

Tip:
Speak English. Kiss French. Drive German. Dress Italian. Spend Arab. Party Caribbean. (Y)

26

Rehne Ki Yahan Sabki Aukat Nahi
Hoti
Bina Beer Aur Daaru Ke Yahan Raat
Nahi Hoti
Ye Engineering College Hai Mere
Dost
Yahan Bina Maa Bahan Ke Bat Nahi
Hoti :P

25

Santa Sadak(road) Ke
Kinare Baith Ke Patthar
Tod Raha Tha...

Achanak Santa 6 Fit Hawa
Me Uchla.
Aur Hawa Me Usne 2-3
Bar Palti Mari.

Ek Aadmi Dekh Kar Bahut
Khush Hua, Aur 500Rs De
Kar Dubara Karne Ko
Kaha...

Santa Bola: Bhenchod...500
Kya 5,00,000 Bhi Dega, Fir
Bhi Dubara lulle Pe
Hathoda Kabhi Nhi
Marunga...:D;)

24

Ek baba ek aurat ki gand maar rha hota h...
thodi der baad baba bolta h-
mujhe AIDS h.
Aurat- Kya???(shocked)..
Baba- main to majak kr rha tha bs tumhari Gand Tight karni thi.
=)) =)) =D =))

23

Don't ever let your girlfriend talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.

22

Eclaires aur I-Pill me kya difference hai??
??
???
?????

Chhoti bachhiya eclaires khake masti karti hai
Aur
Badi bachhiya masti karke I-Pill khati hai...:D

21

Ek nihayati MADARCHOD shYARNE APNI SUHaG RAT MAI lUNd pE hAt PHERTE ArZ kiYA HAi
Aj kismat khul gai mere lale ki

AJ tO behEn chuD jaYEGi MERE sAlE KIX_X :p =))

20

Ek ladka apni pados ki Aunty ko ghar chorhne gaya 
.
.
Aunty ne bola -Beta raat bohotho gai hai, 
tumyahi BITTU ke kamre me so jao.!
.
.

Ladka bola - nahi Aunty me yahin SOFA par so jaunga
.
.
Agle din Subah ek Bohot hi hot n sexy ladki CHAI le kar aai .
.
.
Ladka - Aap kaunho.......??..

Ladki - Me BITTU.

Aap kaun.....??.

Ladka - Mai saala chutiya behenka launda

:p =D :D

19

Original Hindi Names :

Whisper-Yoni Ka Rumal

Condom-Ling Ka Moja

I-Pill-Virya Vinashk Vati

Viagra- Ling Ki Bijli

BRA-Stan rakshak tambu.

18

EXxxFORMAL LETTER

To,
The Gandu Principal,
Burchoda School,
Bhosadapur.

Sir,
Mai apki school ki 8v cls me pdhti hu.
Pr mere boobs bde hone ke kran mujhe 10v me bitha diya,
Cls ke ldko ne mil ke meri chut mar li jiska mujhe afsos nhi h blki bhut mja aya,
Pr unhone meri gand v mari, jo k bahut drd kr rhi h.
Is liye mai 2din schl me nhi aa skti

Fatt gyi kacchi..
chud gyi sacchi..

"Aap ki pyri Rndi bacchi"

17

So Raha Tha Ek Rooz Lund,
Rakh Ke Tattoon Par Apna Sir,

Ke Pass Se Huwa Choot Ka Guzar
Lund Ne Dekha Use Utha Kar Sir,

Lund Ne Poocha Ja Rahi Hai Kidhar?
Agar Waqt Ho To Jara Aa Na Idhar

Choot Ne Kaha Aji Mujhey Maaf Kijiyey
Pahle Jo Kuch Muh Se Tapak Raha Hay.
Woh To Saaf Kijiyey

Lund Ne Jo Yeh Suna To Woh Gya Bigad
Phir Jo Kuch Na Hona Tha Woh Ho Gya Udhar

Jab Jo Kuch Na Hona Tha Woh Gya Ho
Lund Ne Rakha Tattoon Per Apna Sir
Aur Phir Chain Ki Neend Se Gya So

Choot Yeh Boli Lund Se Chud Janey Ke Baad
Janab Baat Hi Naheen Kartey,
Apna Matlab Nikal Janey Ke Baad.
...

16

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.
The first woman: "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."
The second woman: "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!" 
The first woman: "I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"....

15

What Is Height Of Desperation?

A Vampire Sucking Blood From A Sanitary Napkin.

14

Dukhi girlfriend ne apne bewafa boyfriend ke liye shayari likhi:

Phoolon ka raja,
baharon ka shehzada;
32 ko 36c karke chala gaya haramzada =)):$

13

Wife-I wish I cud hve Bigger Boobs:( 

Hubby-Press dem against Sofa & Stay dere Full Day & watch TV3-| 

Wife- Will dat Work?/:) :| 

Hubby- Well..honey it has worked on ur ass=)) =))

12

8 facts of life:
1)garib aur boobs hamesha dabaye jate h
2) musibat aur lund kabi b khade ho jate h.
3) kismat aur bra kabi b khul skti h.
4) gand aur bomb kabi b fat sakte h
5) zindagi aur jhaat jitne b suljhao utne hi ulaz jate h
6) pani aur lund apna rasta khud hi dhund lete h
7) Gaadi aur bibi dost ko do to thok k hi milegi
8) Gand aur doodh fatne ki awaz nai aati

11

There r two typs of HOOKs.
1st is cricket hook nd
2nd is bra's hook;
1st is usd to send ball outside
d boundry nd 2nd is usd to adjust
balls inside d boundary..=)) =D

10

There were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that John's wife died the same day Joe's boat sank. A few days later a kindly old woman saw Joe, and mistaking him for John. Said "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible"

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat, said "Fact is, I'm sort of glad to get rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front, too. Every time I used her the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time for the weekend. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow and were willing to pay. The fools all tried to get in her at the same time and split her right down the middle."

The old woman fainted.

9

Pilot 2 Ctrl Tower:"Dis is IX 3J27. I'm 300 Miles frm Land, 600 Feet Over Water wit No Fuel. Awaiting Instructions"

Ctrl tower: "laude lag gaye tumhare...Over!!=D

8

1 baar 1 naya Science teacher class mein aaya aur students se bola: "Bachon, main bahut bada Science teacher hoon, mere se kuch bhi pucho"

1 Harami bachche ne haath uthaaya aur bola, "Master Ji, jab hum finger mein ring pehente hain aur phir woh ring utaarte hain, to woh jagah gori ho jaati hai. Aise hi jab hum socks pehente hain aur utaarte hain to pair gore ho jaate hain, par jab hum chaddi pehen kar utaarte hain to Lund gora kyun nahi hota"?

Master ne bachche ko mann-hi-mann gaaliyaan di aur bola: "Beta, woh isiliye ki tumhara lund hamesha doosri phuddiyon ko buri nazar se dekhta hai"

Bachcha: "To usse lund ke kaale rehne ka kya connection hai"?

Master: "Bhosdi Ke, kabhi suna nahi, BURI NAZAR WALE TERA MUH KAALA

Moral:
For a change Teacher rocked this time. :D

7

If Madhubala was Replaced with Sunny leone in the film Mughal-e-Azam...,
What would it be . . . ?
























"Muh-me-Le-Azam..."

6

Couple fucking hard in bed.
Husband screams- spread ur legs wider honey
Wider
widerrr
Wife- r u trying 2 get ur balls in?
Husband -no, im trying to get thm out

5

Female BRAIN:

20% Jewellery
20% Shopping
20% Money
20% Enjoy
10% Kitchen care
10% Fuck *nerd* 

Male Brain:

70% Fuck
10% How to Fuck
10% whom to fuck &
10% where to fuck ? =))

4

barrish ho aur zameen gilli na ho,
dhup niklay aur surso pilli na ho,
to phir app nay yeh kasay soch liya kay
neend may ap ki yaad ahay aur shalwar gili na ho

3

Aik bus mein girls ki team aur boys ki team bani antakshari khelne ke liye.
Girls : Hum tumhe hara ke dikhayenge!
Boys : Hum har gaye, chalo ab dikhao

2

Doctor: Kya taklif hai?
Petient: Sote waqt SAAS ko lene me taqlif hoti hai.
Doc:Aaj se dus din sote vaqt SAAS ko nahi SAALI ko lo !!

1

Aadmi or cockroch ki baatcheet:-

Aadmi-mera to lund hi tumse bahut bada aur mota hai.
Cockroch:- fir bhi tumhari bv ki gand mujhe dekh k jyada fatati hai.